The Giver

The following speech was written by Aom G10 as part of an English assignment.

Do you tend to give too much in your relationships? Do you give and give and give and tend to receive nothing in return? I’m not only talking about a romantic relationship here but all types of relationship. I personally believe that you can, in fact, give too much. I was trapped in my own thoughts and beliefs and thought that when you love someone, you have to give and give and give; which is true, but not always. I know that when we love someone, we want to be able to give everything we can to that person; we give our heart, we give our soul, we give our everything to please or make that particular person happy. But sometimes, we also have to remember that we… we are also human beings. Every human being has needs. In fact, we all have our own particular needs, but if you’re not getting back what you need in a relationship, you are in a difficult position…

Everyone told me that relationships are supposed to be 50/50; that is partially true and it is supposed to be… But is it really though? Don’t you feel like we’re in a world where relationships are 70/30 or 40/60 or even 20/80? Why? Why does it have to be like this? I believe that, in any relationship, both parties should equally give 100/100. And by 100, it does not literally mean everything, everything, but it could be ‘everything’ that you are able and willing to give to that person.

I want you all to think to yourself: do you have a habit of giving too much, again not just in a romantic relationship but with your family members, with your friends, your coworkers? On the flip side, also think to yourself: do you have a habit of giving too little? If you really think carefully, you will know whether you are actually a giver or a taker. The truth is we all have to be both, not just one or another.

If you are still unsure whether you are an over-giver or not, according to a psychologist, Karen Kleiman, these are the signs that you are giving too much in a relationship.

  • It feels good and important for you to be the giver in almost every relationship.
  • You feel guilty when someone gives or offers something to you.
  • You always put the needs of others before your own.
  • You apologize excessively if you are not able to “give” the way you would like to.
  • You avoid or are uncomfortable at the thought of asking for something.
  • And lastly, you find that you give because you want to feel loved, liked, or admired.

Finally, I know that you should not be expecting anything in return in any kind of relationship. But do you think you really deserve that? Do you really deserve to always be a giver but not a taker? If you ever find yourself stuck in this kind of situation, it does not mean that you are a fool or that they are selfish. What it does mean though, is that you have something you can give to others and more importantly, you’re willing to give it; and that is such a special gift to have. However, sometimes this gift is rejected or left behind because the person you tried to give it to, for whatever reason, wasn’t ready or able to receive it, and that is probably the most crucial truth of all. Relationships aren’t supposed to be one-sided, it is as simple as that…

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