Hey everyone, welcome back to psychology 101 🙂
I want to admit something to you guys (and hopefully I’m not alone in this) but I apologize to everything. If I drop something? I’m sorry. If I run into the wall? I’m sorry. Honestly, if someone steps on my foot, I’m likely to apologize to them. Now do I do this out of habit, or something more sinister?
Okay, maybe there isn’t a sinister reason behind this but it could be related to my fear of confrontation. I’m sure I’m not the only person who hates getting into fights or standing up for myself, especially with people we barely know. If you’re like me then you’re not alone! A lot of people have the same fear.
Why do we hate confrontation?
This is probably totally shocking news but a lot of the time we want to be happy! (crazy right?) And being happy and angry usually don’t go hand in hand. A lot of the time it’s a lot easier to avoid confrontation because confronting someone usually leads to an extremely uncomfortable situation at best.
We’d rather sit quietly without saying anything – or apologize for no reason – than speak up for ourselves.
A few reasons why we might avoid confrontation:
- Fear of being rejected.
- Being afraid that what you’re standing up for “isn’t a big deal.”
- Afraid of hurting someone’s feelings (or getting your own feelings hurt).
- Or Lack of confidence
What can we do to be more confrontational?
Okay, being confrontational isn’t always a good thing. There’s no point in shouter at a waiter who got your order wrong when they just made a mistake. Just talk to them nicely! They’ll get it. But on the other hand, there are times when you need to learn to stand up for yourself and not let people walk all over you.
Here’s what you can do:
- Start small! Practice standing up against something really insignificant – like asking your friend if you can have the blue m&m instead of the green one they gave you (they’ll probably say no because that’s what friends do but you know).
- When you’re in a situation where ~ confrontation may occur ~ think about the pros and cons about whether or not saying something is worth it. If you think so – go for it!
- Remember confrontation doesn’t have to be just shouting. It can be politely, and firmly, asking someone to stop doing something or make a change.
- Just keep practicing! Your not going to get better at standing up for yourself if you don’t…stand up for yourself! This goes with anything honestly, if you want to learn the piano, play the piano, if you want to learn how to build a jetpack, look up a Youtube tutorial and give it a go! You might not be successful at first, but eventually you’ll get there.
I hope this helps! Honestly, I shouldn’t be the one giving this advice because I’m still not very good at this, but hey we can learn together 🙂